Wednesday, April 16, 2014


I have no words tonight.

I have no words tonight mostly because I've spent the day finishing my Senior Seminar paper.

And I did it.

And you know how long it is?

58 pages.

17,334 words.

And I kind of want to cut off my hands.

Good night.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Banquet Night

Tonight was banquet night, the Academic & Leadership Recognition Banquet.  All the new inductees to the various honor societies for that year go, plus I got invited as part of the "Who's Who Among Students in American Colleges and Universities" thing.  It was fun.  A lot shorter than I expected, too.

They feed you well at banquets.  Chicken with marinara, hand carved roast beef, green beans, potatoes, fresh fruits, rolls, and cake for dessert.  Everything was amazing.

This is Dr. Steckbeck.  I had him for one of my economics classes, and I took a selfie with him for my friend Alex who loves him and I knew would find it hilarious.



I felt pretty :)


Eric, one Reformation brother I hadn't gotten a pic with yet


It was fun. A good night.

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Monday, April 14, 2014

Brother-Sister Time

I should be working on my paper tonight, but I'm so tired I'm seriously about to fall asleep here in my recliner, so I'm just going to go to bed and set an alarm for 7 am and get up and work then once I've gotten some rest.

I wasn't rested last night because after staying up late working on the paper, I got up at 8:00 so I could go track this kid down.

As cheesy as it is, I was really nervous that I wouldn't get to see Bryce again before the end of the semester.  Plus, considering he was the conduit for me getting to meet and get to know all the crazy boys I call my soccer brothers, my ball legit did not feel complete without his signature on it.  Since all of the departments in this school are pretty small, a lot of the Reformation boys have other classes with him.  So I knew how to track him down this morning.  He had to get to practice so we only had like two minutes, but it was enough for the ball and the picture and for him to thank me for the letter and give me a big hug.  I'm not sure what my senior year would've looked like without him, considering not only is he how I met the soccer boys, he was my one friendly face walking into Reformation.  He's one of the biggest surprises God had for me here.

After that, I went to the room where I have Political Thought and hung out until class.

After class, I went to lunch with Ricky and Nicole.  I have eaten in our cafeteria more times in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years combined just for these soccer boys.  Ha!  But one cool thing, aside from hanging out with those two, was I actually got to meet a soccer boy I somehow hadn't ever met before today, Julian.

Of course I got a picture with him!  And I got him to sign the ball, too, haha, since I still had it with me.  He, Ricky, and Nicole had fun laughing at some of the other guys' signatures.  He's very sweet.  He had to cut out early to go to class, but I stayed and talked to Ricky and Nicole for a bit longer.  Nicole started asking me medical questions, and Ricky just sat there and listened.  He is so protective of me in the most adorable way.  I was eating an ice cream cone on the way out, and even though the stairs out of the cafeteria have a railing, he grabbed my hand so he could help me down the stairs.

After that, I killed time until French, per usual.  French was hilarious, per usual.

I unexpectedly ended up going to the Oasis to have dinner with Zack tonight, but then we ran into Reafe, who I rarely ever see anymore, so we ended up having dinner with him and Tunji.

These three...they're crazy.  But they certainly make for an entertaining dinner date.

Dinner lasted way longer than expected because I got so caught up talking to Reafe and Tunji (Zack cut out early), but it was worth it.  Reafe and I walked back from the Oasis as Tunji went to work and got to talking about my friendship with all of the boys.  I saw how much they really do love me, through what he and I talked about and what he and Zack talked about as we were waiting for Tunji to get his food.  They have my back, no matter what, and they know I have theirs.

Time to hopefully get some solid rest.

(Side note: I'm talking to a former Campbell soccer boy after I just added him when he commented on the photo of me and Bryce on Facebook...even he knew who I was. Hilarious.  Make me feel famous!)

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Sunday, April 13, 2014

For Theater Church

Since I'll be in Swansboro next Sunday for Easter weekend, I only have one more Sunday with my sweet Theater Church family.

It's only hit me in the past few days that it's going to be just about as hard for me to say goodbye to them as it will be for me to say goodbye to the school friends that have become my family.

From the second I walked in the doors of that old movie theater, the people in that place took me in and loved me like they'd known me their entire lives.  They have walked with me through a very crazy year and a half since, never letting me forget that even when I wasn't there, they were thinking of me and praying for me.  They have prayed with me, celebrated with me, guided me, taught me, pushed and inspired me.  But most of all, they accepted me.  I never once felt like I had to put up a facade around them.  I never felt like I had to hide my struggles or my questions or my fears.  I could be myself in a way that I didn't know was possible in a church.

God used them to heal me.  To help me forgive what the people in Swansboro did.  To help me understand the difference between Jesus and the people in the church.  To let go of my resentment towards the church and the pain that I was too bitter to let go of for so many years.  To move past all the fear and the emotions that were exactly the reason I didn't want to go back to church in the first place.

I don't give the relationships that I made there the credit they are due for helping mold me into the woman that I am today.  But the truth is, I would not be the person, friend, or Christian that I am now without the people in that community.  I am better because of them.  I am wiser because of them.  I understand God's grace and the heart of the body of Christ more clearly because of them.

No one can get everything right, but those guys?  They certainly do get a lot.  And I'm going to miss the freedom I found in those walls with those friends when I leave in a few weeks more than I can say.

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Saturday, April 12, 2014

Sister Stories and School

Last night did not end how I expected it to.  Just as I was going to bed, I saw on Holly's Facebook that Mom was at her apartment.  So I called to find out why she was there.  Michael answered Mom's phone and asked me if I'd be okay if I didn't talk to her because they were "having an in-depth conversation." (What?)  Mom then got on the phone and told me that she randomly called up her big brother from her college fraternity the other day and he invited her and her boyfriend to this wine festival in Raleigh this weekend.  Her boyfriend decided not to go, but Mom went anyway and spent the night with Holly.  They went to dinner where Holly works, where Mom spent the whole time singing at the top of her lungs with the musician that was there (because of course she did), and then they went back to Holly and Michael's apartment and got drunk.

It was funny enough listening to Mom, but then Holly asked to get on the phone.  I thought she just wanted to say hi, but then she spent the next ten minutes rambling at me.  How great it was to have Mom there, what fun they were having.  Asking me if she'd told me how proud of me she is about NYU, and when I responded that she had several times, telling me that she didn't think it was enough and that she needed to tell me again that she was really, really, really proud and oh my gosh her BABY SISTER is moving to NEW YORK CITY and do I have any idea how jealous she is? (About as jealous as I would be if I were in her shoes.)  And then about how mad she is at herself for wasting so many years out of school.  I couldn't stop laughing because I've never been around or talked to her when she was drunk before.  And then, the most hilarious part of all was when she started apologizing to me for how awful she treated me when I was little (I'm talking, like, ages 7-10 little).  It was so funny because a) I have absolutely no idea where that came from and b) I'm pretty sure that's the first time she's ever apologized for that and c) she was apologizing for stuff that happened over a decade ago.  It was gold.  I was crying from laughter by the time I got off the phone.  I can't wait to see her next weekend!

Today was spent mostly in bed because I couldn't see straight thanks to my stupid head.  I'm going to call on Monday since I haven't heard from my eye doctor's surgery coordinator that she has a date for me yet, and she should by now.  I'm praying that whatever is going on with my eyes is what has my headache in such bad shape and totally unresponsive to anything, because it's been more than 18 months of constant pain that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and I am so. tired.

Once I did manage to get up, I did what I normally do on Saturday nights: laundry, shave/shower/pluck my eyebrows, and homework.  I live an exciting life.  I just keep thinking that the end is in sight, and my life will be so much less complicated once I turn this Seminar paper in on Thursday.

Okay, back to try to get a bit more written before I give up and go to bed so I can be rested for church in the morning.

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Friday, April 11, 2014

First World Problems

One thing I definitely will not miss is Campbell's internet problems.

The internet was out for hours tonight.  I was so desperate to try and get some work done that I actually went all the way to the library (which, believe it or not, I never do) and the internet was even out there.

Yes, I know internet outages happen everywhere, including universities, but this happens all the time here.  Like every couple of weeks.  And even when it's not out, there's always something going on with it.

It's stupid, and a total first world problem, but it's aggravating, especially two weeks before finals when work loads get even crazier.

I finally fell asleep for a few hours at like 9:00 (which also never happens, haha), and thankfully when I woke up, it was back on.  Because I was genuinely stressed out about how long it would take them to fix it this time, and with my giant Seminar paper due on Thursday, I would be in serious danger if I lost a whole weekend of work time.  Sleep was the only way to get me to calm down.

Tonight, I'm going to get my last two French transcriptions for the semester done, and then go back to sleep.  Tomorrow begins the heavy-duty dive back into the world of the UN.

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Thursday, April 10, 2014

Sweet Stuff

Everything about today (except for one thing) is awesome.

I got about 10 solid hours of sleep (granted, not at normal hours, but still, progress).

Then, I immediately went to lunch with Ricky, Tunji, and Isaiah.  Those boys...they are adorable and hilarious and some of the sweetest boys I know.  I'm gonna miss them and some of the other soccer boys so badly.

After that, I had counseling.  Which is always good.  It's amazing how good rambling at someone for an hour can feel. ;)  Nah, she really has helped me work through a lot.

Then I had dinner with Summer, which is such a sweet time.  That girl is just incredible and I am so lucky that we have been able to do Campbell together these years.

Then was Seminar, which...blah.  Was boring and went on way too long.  But the good part was that I got a text in the middle of it from my dear, dear friend Alex, who was on campus tonight for his brother's concert, and so he came over after I got back from class and the concert was over.  I barely had time to do much before he got here.  It was so good to just sit and talk to him for a bit.  I haven't seen him since November, and he's been one of my favorite people for two years now.  He spent the 35 minutes that he was here like this.

He took a special liking to my recliner. :)  He spent a good deal of the time telling me about law school, and after praying for him and that for so long, it was great to hear how well he is doing and how much he likes it.

This was a great surprise tonight, and it definitely put a huge smile on my face in the midst of some stress, which I needed because after that I had to go talk to Austin, and I wasn't honestly sure how it was going to go.  I don't want to get into the details of what it was about out of respect for him, but things had happened, and I had just gotten really scared/worried about our friendship and things changing, but we talked it all out and basically one thing had made me uncomfortable, but he got uncomfortable because he thought I was uncomfortable about the larger picture.  But I made it clear to him that I was happy for him because I don't have feelings for him anymore (which I don't).  So basically, it was all one giant misunderstanding that ended with him saying "I don't want your last month at Campbell to be anything but great."  He cares about my happiness as much as I care about his.  I'm really glad we have the kind of friendship where we feel safe enough to be totally open with each other.

And then, as sort of icing on the cake, I gave him the letter that I wrote him and he read it and said that it was one of the most touching things he'd ever received and that our friendship means a lot to him.  Putting the anxiety I've been feeling every time I thought about him in the past few days at ease.

The one not awesome thing about today is the fact that I am now going to be up for hours finishing my Political Thought paper after I take a shower.  Here's hoping I can focus through my insane migraine.  I didn't get work time in today because of everything else.  Ah well, I wouldn't have traded all the sweet stuff that happened today for anything. :)

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Wednesday, April 9, 2014


Three weeks left.

Three papers.

Three finals.

Three presentations.

That's what in between me and the end of the semester.

Got six pages of my Political Thought paper written tonight, which is pretty good for less than three and a half hours of work, which means I will have four and a half to write tomorrow to hit the minimum requirement.  College students - we live for minimum requirements.  You tell us 15-20 pages, you get 15.  It's life.

Then I will dive back into my Seminar paper which is looking to be about 60 pages.  I wonder if the special stapler in the library can even staple a paper that huge.  Ha!

Today was an interesting day.  I forgot I was supposed to do my French tutoring at 9:45, so I set my alarm for 9:30 to get ready for class at 11:00.  By some miracle, I got woken up by a telemarketer at 9:00 and the tutoring thing occurred to me.  Somehow I made it there with 5 minutes to spare.  I only slept from 4-9 this morning so after Political Thought, lunch, and watching last night's Glee, I slept for four solid hours.

And somehow, I'm still tired.  After I woke up, I ate dinner, messed around a bit, and then got to work at 7:30.  I took a break to watch the crazy SVU episode that came on, somewhat worked through Chicago PD, and then cut myself off when I got close to halfway down page 11.  The only way to keep myself from going absolutely crazy is to cut work like this up into chunks and make myself stop.

Tomorrow, I've got lunch with some of my boys, counseling, dinner with Summer, Seminar, dropping by to see Austin for a quick second, and then an epic Grey's Anatomy and Scandal.  It will be a good day.

Not gonna lie, though...I'm really sort of wishing time would slow down just a little bit.

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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Meet my army.

My army of brothers.  We roll deep! ;)

And this isn't even all of them, just the ones that were there for tonight.

The perks of having so many guys call you their sister.  You tell one that you had a problem, and boom, eight of them will show up to help you the next week.

Things like that...they seem small to the people who do them, but to the one on the receiving end, it means so much.  I was nervous tonight, and they made me feel safe.  

Thankfully, these boys know that I would do absolutely anything to help them, too.  I am as protective of and devoted to them as they are of and to me.  They don't realize what a blessing they are or how much they mean to me.  But that doesn't mean I won't try to tell them. ;)

I'm not ready to say goodbye yet...

I like this one better because more of them are smiling. :)

True story, quote of the night: After that second picture, Reafe exclaimed to Jhuvy, a soccer boy who had walked up and took the picture: "Hey man, we're black! Where's the flash at?!"  That's Reafe.  The good side to Daylight Savings Time, it's not pitch black at 8:00!

Going to bed with a smile on my face tonight.  I am crazy loved.  If only everyone could have a family like this.

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Monday, April 7, 2014

Neck Deep in Paper Writing


My eyes hurt.  They have since 1 am last night.  Which means I yet again did not get a good night of sleep.

I'm trying to work on the second draft of my seminar paper to turn in tomorrow, but I'm seriously considering just going to bed and getting up early tomorrow to work because of how much pain I'm in.

And then, as soon as I finish that tomorrow, I have to get right back to work on my Political Thought paper that is due Friday.  Pretty sure this is the first time in all of college (so really, the first time ever) that I've had two giant papers due right on top of each other.

I will not miss this week when it is over.  That is for sure.

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