Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Banquet Day in Pictures

Because I'm too tired to write much.

celebratory selfie for finishing 3 semesters of French tutoring!

I'm graduating in 17 days and Campbell apparently thinks I'm a Spanish major...awkward.

thankfully the certificate was right

award numero dos!

Dr Jones edited my program for me, since they had it wrong there, too

Jones selfies!  We were cracking each other up all night making cracks about how long it went on.

Dr Jones is awesome. And British. So basically doubly awesome.

Triple Time!  Aka Ethan ;) the men's goalie.

sunset over Butler Chapel on the way to the awesome Baccalaureate Service. the sermon focused on the importance of friendship and the friendships you make in the Campbell family...made this sentimental girl get a lump in her throat

Pam! French buddies!

Mark! Political Science buddies. one of my favorite people to debate.

me with the awards to show to my friends far away

numero dos

the shirt was a tad snug, but I still felt super pretty. and these shoes were not nearly as torturous as some other options...hence why I wore this shirt anyway. :)

The End
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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

This Place

It was a beautiful day today.

I find such peace when I can just walk through campus with my earbuds in, mouthing the words to my favorite songs (yes, I am one of THOSE) and staring at the beauty that surrounds me.  Outside on days like today, I can put music on and block out, even if just for a few moments, everything that is weighing me down.  If I'm lucky, I'll even accidentally run into someone I love, any of the countless people that love me so well and can put a smile on my face any day, like when I ran into some soccer boys this afternoon.

Oh, this place.

I am ready to move on, ready to go to New York, but I am not ready to say goodbye.

I am not ready to leave this campus for good.

I am not ready to leave behind the family I made here, with absolutely no knowledge of when I'll see them again.

I am not ready to only be able to talk to my most favorite people on the phone, Skype/FaceTime, and social media.

I am not ready to say goodbye to the people who changed me for good.

No matter where I go or what I do, I'm going to carry memories of this place with me.

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Monday, April 21, 2014


It's currently about 2:30 Tuesday morning.

I just finished my paper and presentation due tomorrow.

Even though the class isn't until 6:00, because of my anxiety and stress issues, I had to get it done tonight or I would be freaking out tomorrow afternoon.

Surprisingly, I'm not even that tired.

Too bad I have to get up to go to counseling in the morning.

Ah, well.  My sleeping pattern is totally jacked anyway.  I'll sleep tomorrow afternoon.

Ten days until I'm gone.

After tomorrow, all I have is three finals.

Let's just hope I don't completely run out of steam before getting through them.

I'm in a lot of physical pain tonight, don't know why.

G'night, universe.

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sunday: Rise up and live!

(There was also a video that they put out yesterday: Saturday.  "While life is lived on Saturday, Saturday is not all there is to this life."  Just as worth watching as the two I'm posting here on the blog.)

The following is based on events that took place in and surrounding the city of Jerusalem the day after the Sabbath (the third day) and the days that followed, approximately 33 A.D.

Very early in the morning, before the sun takes its place in the sky, a woman stands in yet another garden, spices in hand, repeating the same question: "Why?" This is the scene on Sunday.

Two men walking down a seven-mile road unpacking all the thoughts that crowd in their head. The man that they thought was the Savior of the world, this man, this Jesus? Now this man was dead. This is the scene on Sunday.

A group of fishermen rowing along in their boat, just going back to what they did before. A voice cries out, "Have you not caught anything?!" There's a mysterious man waiting on the shore. This is the scene on Sunday.

Sunday starts in the dark, but soon comes a spark of revolution, of revelation, of real elation with the realization that He is real and so is His nation. 

On Sunday, the stone is rolled away, the enemy is at bay, and redemption's here to stay. On Sunday, the nets overflow, the angels simply glow, and the linen lies folded white as snow.  On Sunday, He's recognized when the bread is broken, and the dead are awoken, and a new word is spoken. On Sunday, we receive our sign that He is the vine so let His light shine. 

On Sunday, Herod was wrong. The grave was not strong, and we finally belong so sing a new song, because on Sunday, the dead rise as He opens our eyes lifting our hands to the skies. On Sunday, Peter takes a dive while the fishermen thrive. To Emmaus we arrive, and love is ALIVE. On Sunday, we don't search for the living among the dead. On Sunday, we became the body, and He became the head and redeemed every tear that has ever been shed. 

On Sunday, we head in a new direction because there's been an intersection between reflection and perfection, and that connection? That's right, we call it resurrection.

In John 19, verse 41, it says that they laid Jesus to rest in a tomb in the middle of a garden, and I think that was their biggest mistake, because if you want something to stay dead, you don't bury it in a garden where the voice of the One who created the very soil itself will call forth to His Son, saying, "Rise up and LIVE!" 

He is the gardener whispering our name. He is the stranger on Emmaus Road. He is the mysterious man calling from the shore. On Sunday, will you recognize Him? On Sunday, will you answer Him? On Sunday, will you RISE UP and LIVE?

It sounds silly to say that I didn't expect so much healing to be found in a video on the story of Jesus' resurrection, but I really did not expect to be crying first thing this morning as I watched this video.

I realized this afternoon that I was crying not because it was beautiful and so powerful.  I was crying because it was so much more than the story of Jesus' resurrection.

I was crying because it was a call to accept the price that Jesus paid to set me free.

I was crying because it was a challenge to stop letting myself get weighed down by my mistakes (which is really so unbelievably relevant after things that have happened in the past few days) and take hold of the victory that came when Jesus rose from the grave.

I was crying because it was a reminder that when Jesus said, "It is FINISHED"...he actually meant it.

A friend sent me this in a message just a few hours ago, as I was beginning to figure out what I would say in this post, knowing it would be centered around Jon's words.  "We cannot hang on to our own condemnation and to the Gospel with the same hand...we either let go of ourselves, or let go of Him - the choice is ours.  Are your eyes on your storm, or on His throne?"  The choice is mine: Keep condemning myself, or accept the grace and mercy and forgiveness that I learned quite a while ago I cannot live without.  Let go of the past, or let go of the One who is the only reason I'm still alive, the One who put the breath in my lungs.

The enemy is at bay.  Redemption's here to stay.  And I'm busy slowly killing myself trying to fight a battle that stopped being mine the second I came up from the water in that pool inside that Nashville church.  It's done.  It's over.  What will it take for me to get that?!

Just as Jesus walked along the road to Emmaus gently trying to make his presence known, just as Jesus shouted from the shore to remind the fishermen he was still there, he's been fighting so hard to get me to see that he didn't just show up for my baptism.  He's been here every single day saving me from myself, calling out my name and asking me to take his hand, aching for me to know the Lord even a fraction of how he knows me.  Apart from him, I can do NOTHING. (John 15:5)  And yet here I am, far too often acting like I don't know better.

Redemption came out of that tomb, and death died inside it.  The same voice that called me to salvation is calling me every day to rise up and LIVE.  This time, I'm going to answer Him.

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Saturday, April 19, 2014

The story of today.

Cold medicine

and tacos

and graduation announcements

and party invitations

and stamps

and lists

and pizza

and an SVU marathon

and more cold medicine.

Did I mention it really sucks to be allergic to your own house?

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Friday, April 18, 2014


I have no words today. I just want to share this poem from Jon Jorgenson and The Anima Series. It tells so simply yet so powerfully the story of Good Friday and the gravity of what Jesus did for us all.

The following is based on events that took place around the city of Jerusalem on the day of preparation of the Passover, approximately 33 A.D.

After dinner, in a garden, four men sat down to pray. This is the scene at the top of Friday.

On Friday, one of them would betray him, though none of them felt able. But he made it clear the night before, it was one of them at the table. Thirty pieces of silver was enough to get it done, the price that was placed on the head of God's son.  

On Friday, these images flashed through his head. He knows the cup he's been given. Soon he'll be dead. There's blood on his brow where there should be just sweat. The burden is heavy; he's carrying our debt. 

On Friday, he gives it all up for our sake. On Friday, the disciples just can't stay awake. In this garden, on Friday, it isn't paradise or bliss. On Friday, he's arrested and betrayed with a kiss. Dragged before the leaders, he's mocked and disgraced, back and forth between Herod and Pilate, both looking to save face. 

On Friday, he's forced to defend his own cause, but Pilate knows, in his heart, this man's broken no laws. Pilate says "Are you the Christ?" his face angry, beet red. The only reply he receives, "It is as you've said." But the Pharisees want evidence. "If you are the Christ, then show him." On Friday, the rooster crows, just as Peter says, "I do not know him." 

On Friday, he wears a crown made of thorns as the disciples run away and Mother Mary mourns. On Friday, he endures forty lashes of the whip, but he knows that from his cup, this is just the first sip. With the crowd still unsatisfied and Pilate at a loss, on Friday, they force him to carry his own cross. His mind becomes hazy, his senses become dull, inching ever closer to Golgotha, the place they call "Skull."

On Friday, after stumbling his way through the street, he's fixed up on that cross, nails in hands, nails in feet. Two thieves on either side of him, one to the left and one to the right, and even on Friday, he leads one of them to the Light. Pierced through his side, blood and water hit the ground. He cries out, "Eloi!" but his Father makes no sound. 

On Friday, the pain would not be diminished, until the ninth hour when he finally cries out, "It. is. FINISHED." 

On Friday, he dies, and the pain of loss is numbing. But the weekend ain't over. Sunday is coming.

Jesus, I sing for all that you've done for me.

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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Ready or Not...

Well, I can check a lot off the list.

One less class.

One less paper.

One less presentation.

I have a paper and a presentation due Tuesday, but I'm not worried about that at all.  Most of that is already taken care of.

Now that Political Thought and Seminar are done, it's basically just coasting into finals.

Two weeks from today, I'll be pulling out of here in a U-haul.

Two weeks.

Fair warning, the next two weeks are going to be very repetitive and sentimental and shock-filled.

Ready or not, the end of an era is coming.

Bittersweet doesn't even begin to describe it.

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014


I have no words tonight.

I have no words tonight mostly because I've spent the day finishing my Senior Seminar paper.

And I did it.

And you know how long it is?

58 pages.

17,334 words.

And I kind of want to cut off my hands.

Good night.

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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Banquet Night

Tonight was banquet night, the Academic & Leadership Recognition Banquet.  All the new inductees to the various honor societies for that year go, plus I got invited as part of the "Who's Who Among Students in American Colleges and Universities" thing.  It was fun.  A lot shorter than I expected, too.

They feed you well at banquets.  Chicken with marinara, hand carved roast beef, green beans, potatoes, fresh fruits, rolls, and cake for dessert.  Everything was amazing.

This is Dr. Steckbeck.  I had him for one of my economics classes, and I took a selfie with him for my friend Alex who loves him and I knew would find it hilarious.



I felt pretty :)


Eric, one Reformation brother I hadn't gotten a pic with yet


It was fun. A good night.

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Monday, April 14, 2014

Brother-Sister Time

I should be working on my paper tonight, but I'm so tired I'm seriously about to fall asleep here in my recliner, so I'm just going to go to bed and set an alarm for 7 am and get up and work then once I've gotten some rest.

I wasn't rested last night because after staying up late working on the paper, I got up at 8:00 so I could go track this kid down.

As cheesy as it is, I was really nervous that I wouldn't get to see Bryce again before the end of the semester.  Plus, considering he was the conduit for me getting to meet and get to know all the crazy boys I call my soccer brothers, my ball legit did not feel complete without his signature on it.  Since all of the departments in this school are pretty small, a lot of the Reformation boys have other classes with him.  So I knew how to track him down this morning.  He had to get to practice so we only had like two minutes, but it was enough for the ball and the picture and for him to thank me for the letter and give me a big hug.  I'm not sure what my senior year would've looked like without him, considering not only is he how I met the soccer boys, he was my one friendly face walking into Reformation.  He's one of the biggest surprises God had for me here.

After that, I went to the room where I have Political Thought and hung out until class.

After class, I went to lunch with Ricky and Nicole.  I have eaten in our cafeteria more times in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years combined just for these soccer boys.  Ha!  But one cool thing, aside from hanging out with those two, was I actually got to meet a soccer boy I somehow hadn't ever met before today, Julian.

Of course I got a picture with him!  And I got him to sign the ball, too, haha, since I still had it with me.  He, Ricky, and Nicole had fun laughing at some of the other guys' signatures.  He's very sweet.  He had to cut out early to go to class, but I stayed and talked to Ricky and Nicole for a bit longer.  Nicole started asking me medical questions, and Ricky just sat there and listened.  He is so protective of me in the most adorable way.  I was eating an ice cream cone on the way out, and even though the stairs out of the cafeteria have a railing, he grabbed my hand so he could help me down the stairs.

After that, I killed time until French, per usual.  French was hilarious, per usual.

I unexpectedly ended up going to the Oasis to have dinner with Zack tonight, but then we ran into Reafe, who I rarely ever see anymore, so we ended up having dinner with him and Tunji.

These three...they're crazy.  But they certainly make for an entertaining dinner date.

Dinner lasted way longer than expected because I got so caught up talking to Reafe and Tunji (Zack cut out early), but it was worth it.  Reafe and I walked back from the Oasis as Tunji went to work and got to talking about my friendship with all of the boys.  I saw how much they really do love me, through what he and I talked about and what he and Zack talked about as we were waiting for Tunji to get his food.  They have my back, no matter what, and they know I have theirs.

Time to hopefully get some solid rest.

(Side note: I'm talking to a former Campbell soccer boy after I just added him when he commented on the photo of me and Bryce on Facebook...even he knew who I was. Hilarious.  Make me feel famous!)

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